Disillusions and Confusion
by Skysalla
Summary: Something is wrong with Dean, but it takes Sam longer than he expected to figure it out. Set in season 4.


Wrote this a while back, set in early season 4, general spoils.

I own nothing.

-`-`

The first time it happened, Sam wasn't sure anything was going on.

He was asleep, still in that half conscious state that comes before one fully wakes up, when the radio clicked on. Several notes played out and Sam's mind tried to place the song when he heard the sound of the radio exploding against the far wall.

He lurched upright, his knife in hand, as he abandoned the last few minutes of shuteye. But there was nothing in the room. Nothing but his brother.

Dean sat upright in his own bed, his face dark as he stared at the spot where the radio had impacted the wall. Dean didn't respond when Sam called to him. Instead, his brother just silently climbed out of bed and hit the shower.

He should have known something was up when Dean didn't insist on breakfast.

--

The second time it happened, Sam almost didn't notice.

They were driving, listening to whatever random radio station the Impala managed to pick up. Dean was jovial, singing along in that annoying big brother way Sam realized he had come to miss when Dean had been gone.

He picked up speed as the DJ recounted what they just listened to, his grin the biggest Sam had seen in years. He leaned back into the seat, closing his eyes to maybe get some sleep with the droning of the radio and his brother in the background.

He didn't think anything of it when Dean suddenly popped in a cassette.

Less than half an hour later they were pulling into the parking lot of a bar. "Wha's up Dean?" Sam managed as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

"We need some money."

Sam nodded. He thought they were doing okay, but it never hurt to have a little extra. He followed his brother into the bar, not noticing the dark look on Dean's face. Sam perched himself along the wall where he could watch his brother's back as the elder hustled.

Everything was fine for forty minutes, but when Sam came back from his quick bathroom break, he found himself walking into a brawl. A brawl with Dean in the middle of it.

He was barely able to rescue his unconscious and beaten brother from the group Dean had been hustling. The group was large, dangerous; the kind of group Dean only hustled when he was feeling cocky.

He dragged his brother from the bar; away from the fight he had a sinking feeling Dean had started.

--

The third time, Sam knew something was up.

It was another trip in the car, from point A, Nowhere to point B, Somewhere. As usual there was music pumping from the stereo, ACDC, one of Dean's favorite tapes.

They were talking about the next case, Dean, as usual, cracking jokes of questionable taste when the song ended. The cassette started to play the next song, but Sam didn't get to hear beyond the first few beats when Dean ejected the tape and promptly threw it out the window.

Sam lowered his journal in confusion, hesitant to break the sudden silence. "…Dean?"

Dean's face was hardened, his jokes gone as he turned his 'all business' face back to Sam. "Tell me more about this girl."

--

The fourth time, Sam understood.

They were sitting in a diner as Dean joked about hooking up with the waitress. Their latest hunt had been a bust, but they weren't upset about it. His brother almost looked embarrassed when the waitress returned, unsure if she'd overheard him or not. But he managed to maintain his smooth demeanor.

That was until Dean's ears picked up something Sam's hadn't. He dropped his fork and stood up so abruptly that his pant leg snagged on the seat of the booth. Dean jerked it away, tearing the fabric at his ankle. He issued a single command for Sam to remain seated before he retreated from the restaurant, the door slamming behind him.

Sam kept his eye on Dean through the window, watching as his brother sank down on the bumper of the car.

It took him a minute to pick up what Dean had heard, the muted rock music playing through the diner. He recognized the song; the one that had started when Dean had thrown his tape out the window a few days before and he was pretty sure it had been at the motel as well.

As he sat and listened to the song, he finally understood. And once it got to the end, everything made sense. He quickly deposited some bills on the table to compensate for their meal. The lyrics of the music echoed in his head as Sam made his way out to his broken brother.

_Then late at night, turns down the lights_

_Closes up on me_

_Opens my heart, tears it apart_

_Brings out the devil in me_

_Hell, ain't no bad place to be_

_I said hell, ain't no bad place to be_

_Hell, ain't no bad place to be_

_You know that hell, ain't no bad place to be_

_-"Hell Ain't a Bad Place to Be" - ACDC_


End file.
